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| A Journal Entry From The Miss America Reject
Yes, I know, It has been a month since my last entry. I am not
the most faithful xanga member but you have to give me "props" for
perservering. This current entry is strictly for my own healing
and personal benefit...please do not think I am aiming beliefs at
anyone else. Tonight will be a very hard night for me. Why,
you ask? Miss America 2006 will be airing at 8/7c on CMT. I
realize
that everyone who knew me as a pageant girl will be confused as to why
It's hard for me to watch a pageant I have loved. It is
hard because It is a dream that has died and I feel like there has been
a death in my life. Last year when I got 1st runner up at Miss
Kentucky, there was no doubt in my mind I would go back and try to win
this
coming year. Almost everyone in pageant world agreed that is a good
decision. These were my plans but God had different plans for
me and I fell in love with Jamus. Before Jamus proposed to me, I
was struggling with my decision to compete. God made it very
clear that he did not want me to compete and so instead of going
to the prelim, I was speaking at a girl's conference at Brook and Wendy
Davis's church. I knew I had made the right decision. There
is no doubt in my mind that I am suppose to be married to Jamus but I
have really been struggling with wishing I would have competed.
It is hard knowing that several of the girls competing, I
had
competed against and had some success. (Miss Georgia, Miss KY,
Miss DC,
Miss Louisianna, and one more). I have been very depressed lately
and finally God spoke to me through a verse.
"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in
Christ Jesus, woh, although He existed in the form of God, did not
regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself,
taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of
men. And being found in appearance of man, He humbeled himself by becoming obidient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore also
God highly exalted him, and bestowed on him the name which is above
every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those
who are in heaven, and on earth, and under earth, and that every tongue
should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the
Father (Phil 2:5-11)."
You see, I had become accoustom to
fame. I had been in the limelight so long and I desired it
to a point. As a chrisitan, I should not aspire to be number
one. I should not crave the biggest or the best. I should
not be impressed with prestige, size, numbers, status and
money. As a Christian, I am called to humble myself like
Christ. Christ had everything! He lived in heavens
mansions! He was praised! He came to earth as a poor man,
with no esteem! People spat on him and said he was not
Lord! He was a carpenter! I continue to pray to God
that this would be my attitude....humbleness. I always thought I needed
to be Miss America in order to do great things for God but God does not
need a crown and a title....to my knowledge God used very unimportant
people to do great things for his Kingdom..did he not? In
ephesians God says that he has immeasurably more for me/you than I/we can
possibly imagine. This means, I always thought Miss America was
great, so what God has for me is even better. I have to believe
this because God has never failed me, not once. He is faithful to
his promises.
I am reading this book by Kay Author called "Lord,
Is it warefare? Teach me to stand". This book tells us how
satan is always trying to get us interested in the things of the world,
things that God has given us freedom from. Satan was cast
out of heaven because of pride, he thought he deserved to have glory
just like God. Satan wants me to have that same pride in my
life. He wants me to think of all the "potential" I have and he
wants me to remember how eveyrone in the Miss Kentucky pageant thought
I would win this year. He wants me to have an "I will" attitude
instead of a "If the Lord wills" attitude.
Father, you are the Potter and I am the clay mold me
and make me, this is what I pray. Let me not be focused on the
glory and crowns of this world but help me always remember that my
crown is waiting for me in heaven for eternity. Whoever wins the
pageant tonight help me to be excited for them but help me also to
remember that there crown is fleeting. Help me to live each day
as if it is my last. If I knew I was going to die in a year, I
would not even want to compete for a pageant...help me to remember
this. I love you and thank you for this trial.
PS-I am rooting for Miss Georgia!!! She is a dear friend and a previous roomie...very down to earth "real" girl!!!!
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| Psalm 89 says what I am feeling. David was the most well known kings in all the bible and Psalsms was basically a journal for him. God promised him great things and David although he beleived this, had times where he questioned God.
God has promised me great things too but lately I feel like I have been in a desert and I am so tired of it. I was to know God more and to be faithful like he is faithful to me. I want to serve him for the right purposes which is for his glory, not out of obligation. I want him to reveal himself to me........which goes far beyond just going to church and singing words that I am not even paying attention too. This verse I can really relate too but the hope is that God is faithful and he will pull me through......just like David....he became one of the most well known worshipors of God.
But now you have rejected him.
Why are you so angry with the one you chose as king?
39
You have renounced your covenant with him,
for you have thrown his crown in the dust.
40
You have broken down the walls protecting him
and laid in ruins every fort defending him.
41
Everyone who comes along has robbed him
while his neighbors mock.
42
You have strengthened his enemies against him
and made them all rejoice.
43
You have made his sword useless
and have refused to help him in battle.
44
You have ended his splendor
and overturned his throne.
45
You have made him old before his time
and publicly disgraced him.
Interlude
46
O Lord, how long will this go on?
Will you hide yourself forever?
How long will your anger burn like fire?
47
Remember how short my life is,
how empty and futile this human existence!
48
No one can live forever; all will die.
No one can escape the power of the grave.
Interlude
49
Lord, where is your unfailing love?
You promised it to David with a faithful pledge.
50
Consider, Lord, how your servants are disgraced!
I carry in my heart the insults of so many people.
51
Your enemies have mocked me, O Lord;
they mock the one you anointed as king.
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| Hello Everyone! I know it has been awhile, I do apologize for the delay;) Lets see not much has been going on In the ville. Jamus and I rented the movie monster last night....I really did not want to watch this movie but I had to for my cinema class. It was so gross but Charlize did a great job acting.
Last week was of course Thanksgiving. We went to frankfort first to see my family. While in frankfort we played mofia, phyciatrist, and four on a couch...fun times! We also went to Cadiz Kentucky to see Jamus's fam. I have never eaten so much food in my entire life!!!!! It was good though.
Jamus and I both have finals this week...so keep us in your prayers. We leave the 7th of December for Riviera Maya Mexico for our honeymoon....finally!!! Please pray for our travels...Jamus had never been in a plane before and he continue to tell me about all these plane crashed every week. I got to go to Katie Cunninghams wedding...beautiful!
This Sunday is going to be very exciting because we are having a baptism service. The wednesday before last during youth group, 8 youth became Christians. This means that they realized it was not their good works that got them to heaven but only through Jesus Christ. They are now able to have a personal relationship with him!!! Then on Sunday of that same week, while Jamus was preaching 10 more people came to Christ!!!! Praise God!! I love yal! | | |
| The following Question are the product of being bored at work!!!!! heheh:) I love yal!
1. First name: annie leigh
2. Were you named after anyone? yes, my granny Annie
3. Do you wish on stars? Nope but they are preety
4. When did you last cry? hahahah ummm yesterday
5. Do you like your handwriting? not way!!! I am a lefty so I have horribly hand writiing and I get ink everyhwere!
6. What is your favorite lunchmeat? turkey
7. What is your birth date? April fools day
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? i do not get the question
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with yourself? Yes because I would make myself laugh
10. Are u a daredevil? nope....sometimes If I am trying to be like Laura Croft Tomb Raider
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? yes....who hasnt..sorry
12. Do looks matter? You have to have more than looks but I am very attracted to Jamus:)
13. How do you release anger? Yell, throw hair brushes, and journal
14. Where is your second home? Murray
15. Do you trust others too easily? Yes, I always believe people when they are joking with me.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Teresa Barbie (I liked the dark hair) and my bag of dress up clothes!!!!
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? ummmm do not know
18. Do you have a journal? yes, I have kept one for 7 years
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I used to a lo tbu tnot much anymore
20. Favorite movie (s): I love movies!!!! I love the sappy romanntic movies like "Emma", Pride and prejuduce", Anne of Green Gables and then I love action like INdiana Jones and Laura Croft Tomb Raider
21. What are your (acceptable) nicknames? Doobers, annaleigh, foot flousy
22. Would you bungee jump? I would think about it for awhile and then decide no
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Not my running shoes
24. Do you think that you are strong? Yes
25. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip from Graeters
26. What size of shoe do you wear? 9
27. What are your favorite colors? yellow, green, red
28. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? MY Booty
29. Who do you miss most? my family
30. Who knows the most about you? hmm lots of peps Jamus, mom, kelly, amanda ed, chalise, melissa and bree...I know there are others
31. What color pants are you wearing? khakis
32. What are you listening to right now? the fan blowing at work
33. What was the last thing you ate? taco soup and crackers that I made last night
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Today I would be green
35. What is the weather like right now? like 75 degrees with a bit of an overcast
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? Some random lady tha tcalled the office
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Heigth and face structure, eyes and dress style
38. Favorite Quote: I hate quotes;)
39. Favorite Drink? Fruit Tea from Dumplins
41. Favorite sport? I like to dance and Yes! It is a sport
42. Hair Color? dark brown
43. Eye Color? bluish, gree, grey???
44. Do you wear contacts? no
45. Favorite Food(s)? samon, salad, chicken, GREEN BEANS anytime, sweet potatoes, and italian
46. Last Movie You Watched? some movie on the Oh! channel
47. Favorite Day of the Year? Christmas!!! Christ Birthday!
48. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings!!!! I like warm fuzzy feelings!
49. Summer or winter? Fall, I love the colors!
50. Hugs or kisses? Kisses, my fam is 1/4 italian...love to kiss.
51. What is Your Favorite Dessert?Anything with chocolate preferably ice cream
52. Favorite City: Nashvegas!!!!
53. Biggest Regrets: not spending more time with people at Murray and my fam
54. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation? Ireland, Italy, or Thailand!
56. What's on your mouse pad? Purple
57. What did you Watch Last Night on TV? Girlmore Girls
58. Favorite Smells? The smell of lent burning when you first turn on your heater in the winter, cologne, my home, and clean clothes.
59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles
60. What's the furthest you've been away from home? Hawaii
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| Oh yeah! This is my second day to be faithful at Zanga!!! Celebrate! So Jamus and I went to the dog pound last night...It is the saddest place in the whole world. There were tons of cute little faces saying take me home take me home.....anyways I could not choose one so I think I am just going to wait on a puppys...any suggestions????
I finished watching lifetimes special last night...Human Trafficing. It is a movie about young girls who are taken as prostitutes in the US...It made me so mad I could hardly sleep. It just shows how sinful the human heart is apart from God. I just do not understand why these men could do such awful things to young girls or anyone! The bible says we were born into sin, meaning we all live in sin until we give our lifes to Christ. This movie just reveals how much the world needs Christ.
Tonight is youth group night.... get pumped! We are going to have a Fear Factor night where I am having the youth dig out m&m's out of pumpkin gutss....hehehe. | | |
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